6 Tips to a Great Beginning Via Mail

Got an acceptance online from someone you really like? Worried about writing the first mail to your prospective partner? Here are some tips on how to take things ahead online:

1. Don’t Write Standard Template
Let’s be honest, you probably have a standard draft written on your mail that you copy paste in your introductory mails. This generally leaves a bland first time impression on the opposite person. Remember, this is your first chance to make an impression. So, take at least five minutes to carefully go through the person’s profile and pull some references in your mail like: “I know that you love sky diving, in fact I have tried it once and I loved it too..”

2. Do Not Focus on the Looks
Even if the photograph is what mainly grabs your attention, avoid discussing too much about the person’s looks. Stay away from lines like: “You have a sweet smile, what is a looker doing here, why aren’t u married already,” etc. Remember, most women have had enough of these standard lines and may feel that you go around saying the same lines to almost every woman. So, avoid it completely!

3. Maintain a Warm But Neutral Tone
It’s important to be modest when you are writing a mail for the first time to a prospective match. Avoid bragging or being too personal. Also, sometimes it is the parents or siblings managing the profiles on matrimonial websites so your tone is important to create a lasting impression. While a standard template ensures that the candidate will have a bland impression of you, acting too cool can actually do more harm than good. So, don’t try to be super cool.

4. Talk About Your Family
In Indian marriages families play a very important role. It’s true that the two individuals should be compatible, but it’s also important for the two families to get along. You can even consider mentioning a line or two about your family. You could mention things like: “We are a close-knit family, my mom is a homemaker. My cousins and me, we’re crazy about her cakes that she bakes,” etc. A word of caution: Avoid talking about your family member’s expectations. For instance, Pamit S, a 28-year-old marketing manager says, “Once a girl I really like accepted my request on a matrimonial site, I was over the moon. However, her introductory mail mentioned how her parents were yearning for a grandchild soon after marriage, which made me think twice then.” So, be careful.

5. Give Genuine Compliments
Everybody likes to be appreciated. So, it’s a good idea to compliment people, but only if its genuine.  The compliment will have the desired effect specially if it’s something to do with the profile. That also shows that you took the effort to know the person.

6. Give Out Information About Yourself
The opposite person is obviously not going to take matters forward just because the person knows that you’re interested in him/her. You have to make sure that the person finds you equally interesting and that the families are compatible. So, do highlight any traits that are common. For instance, interests, education, aspirations, hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc.

क्या है मांगलिक दोष ?

मांगलिक दोष समय, तारीख, वर्ष और देशांतर और अक्षांश के रूप में पृथ्वी पर जन्म स्थल की स्थिति के आधार पर किया जाता है कि दुल्हन या दूल्हे की जन्म कुंडली में प्रकट होता है|

इस आशय की विशिष्टता दो  मांगलिक शादी, जब हालत के नकारात्मक प्रभावों को एक दूसरे को रद्द करने के लिए माना जाता है| हालांकि, मंगल ग्रह कारकों को प्रभावित करने वाला है और इन प्रभावों समग्र ज्योतिष अनुकूलता का एक व्यापक परिप्रेक्ष्य में देखा जाना चाहिए कि वैदिक ज्योतिष में केवल ग्रह नहीं है|

एक मांगलिक होने के नाते, उन्हें दूसरों से अलग नहीं करता है| उनकी जीवन शैली, उपलब्धियों, और भी बहुत कुछ गैर  मांगलिक के समान रहता है|

विशेष रूप से उनके जीवन में समृद्धि और सद्भाव देने का इरादा कर रहे हैं जो  मांगलिक, के लिए कई रस्में और मंत्र हैं| "कुंभ Vivaah" "मंगल उपासना", "मंगल Kavacham" के साथ विशेष रूप से लोकप्रिय है|

इस श्रेणी में कई हस्तियों कर रहे हैं! उदाहरण के लिए हम दुनिया की सबसे सुंदर महिलाओं में से एक ऐश्वर्या राय बच्चन है! वह भी एक मांगलिक है और खुशी से शादी की है|

वहाँ एक मांगलिक होने के बारे में चिंता करने के लिए कुछ भी नहीं है और यह मंगल ग्रह व्यक्ति ऊपर कहा गया है 6 घरों के किसी भी मंगल दोष के प्रभाव से ग्रस्त है में रखा जाता है तो 12 घरों इन 12 में से एक जन्म कुंडली में और बाहर है कि वहाँ दिलचस्प है ध्यान दें. यह पैदा होता है जो हर दूसरा व्यक्ति एक मांगलिक होगा कि मौका का एक मेला सा मतलब है कि वहाँ|

How to Choose the Right Partner in Life

We all want to find the right partner in life. Nobody wants to die alone! Sadly, some people never find the right partner for them, but with the help of this article, you just may find your Mr./Mrs. Right!

1. First of all, find someone whom you're attracted to. Obviously, a certain person is not the right partner for you if you're not even attracted to him/her. When we say 'attracted', make sure that you don't like them only because of their looks,what we mean is that the person has adequate amount of 'appeal' for you. Remember, beauty is only skin-deep. Even if you find somebody who is very beautiful/handsome, his/her personality may not be compatible with yours. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who is good-looking, and whose personality is great? If you love someone JUST for the looks, it's not real love, and the person is not the right partner for you.

2. Now, find interests between you and your potential partner. That way, you can enjoy doing things and talking about them together without getting bored. Often times, having too many different interests requires you or your partner to sacrifice one’s desires for the happiness of the other. Eventually, it may lead to ego problems and misunderstandings, so as much as possible, choose a potential partner who shares a lot of common interests with you. Remember that they don't have to have ALL the same interests as you, because that would get boring. Sometimes, being with someone with a few different interests makes life more exciting because you get to experience some of his/her interests.

3. Consider you and your partner’s intellect. If you are an over-achiever with too many honors and your partner is very laid-back and would prefer to just sit and watch TV all day, that could impose a threat to your relationship. It is very important that you see eye to eye in terms of how you both are able to think and process things. It sounds shallow at first, but just imagine yourself talking to a person who frustrates you because he/she cannot understand what you are saying or doing. You don't need to both be geniuses, but you need to have around the same intellect level.

4. When choosing a future partner, it's okay to have standards! You almost want to treat it like hiring someone for a job. Does he/she fit the description on which your ideal partner should be? Remember, don't just choose whoever. This is your potential life partner! You wouldn't just pick someone off the street to hire for a job, so why pick a random person as your partner?

5. Make sure that you both respect each other. You can't spend your life with someone who has no respect for you, your personality, and your goals/dreams. You and your partner should always respect each other.

6. Is your potential partner trustworthy? Can you count on your partner to keep your secrets?

7. Spend time together. How are you supposed to know if he/she is the right partner for you if you don't spend time together? Go on dates with your partner and go out to different places with him/her. Get to know him/her well. After all, if you two decide to spend the rest of your life together, you can't really do that if you two can't stand to spend a day together!

TIPS

1. Sometimes life does things for a reason, and it may bring your partner into your life unexpectedly and for no apparent reason.

2. Choosing a partner can be a daunting task and requires a lot of concentration, but if you focus, you'll eventually find your lifetime partner!

WARNINGS

1. Don't spend your whole life focusing on finding your lifetime partner. Live your life while you can! You only have one lifetime, and you don't want to waste it by focusing solely on finding a partner.

2. Don't try too hard!

AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER ?

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The Author replied :

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO..

Personality Match Does Not Mean a Happy Marriage

According to a study presented on August 4, 2011 at the American Psychological Association’s annual meeting in Washington, D.C, men and women in relationships need not be similar in personality in order to have a successful long-lasting marriage. The study, which included couples who had been married for at least 40 years, found that neither similarities in personality nor differences appeared to affect how happy the couples were.

“One of my very speculative suspicions is that this need for a relationship is so strong that it overcomes differences,” study researcher Frederick Coolidge told LiveScience. Coolidge and colleagues had 32 couples take this survey to assess their personality and how satisfied they were in their marriages. Men and women were asked to evaluate their own personality, as well as their perceptions of their partners’ personalities. The couples completed the survey in separate rooms and were not allowed to see their partners’ responses. “We didn’t want to create any divorces,” said Coolidge.

The study found that both, men and women were pretty happy in their marriages, but on average, the women reported being slightly happier than the men. Neither the length of the marriage nor personality traits (self-identified and those perceived by the spouse) were associated with the couples’ level of marital satisfaction. This may be because, over the long haul, “different personalities may provide couples with complementary resources for dealing with life’s challenges,” Levenson told LiveScience.

4 Ways To Have a Green Wedding

The happiest day of your life could also cost the earth – literally. So, it makes more sense to opt for a green wedding, doesn’t it? If you wish to go for a eco-friendly wedding, we tell you how to go about it. Here you go…

1. Wedding Invitations
Your wedding invitations could be made from 100% recycled paper available in beautiful and rich textures. In fact, you’ll find a wide variety to choose from in India. Get these cards printed using vegetable inks such as a soy-based ink or water-based ink if you really care for the environment. You can also simply opt for paperless invitations in today’s E-age.

2. Décor
The venue is the most important aspect of a green wedding. Transform your wedding venue into a lush paradise using lots of fresh flowers, pebbles and organic materials for your drapes, table cloth, napkins and tents.

3. Catering
Food needs a lot of thought if you wish to go for a green wedding. Instead of having a wide variety of non-veg dishes on menu, you could have an additional section that has soy-based foods, lots of salads, more of vegetarian options, etc.

4. Honeymoon
And finally, for your honeymoon you could head to a wildlife destination, a beach or may be an eco-sanctuary. You’ll come across a lot of options to book your honeymoon on the internet. So, research and settle for a nice, green place.

Tips to Follow if You Keep Getting Dumped

If you’ve always been rejected after your first date, you need not feel bad about it or stop meeting people. Instead, work on yourself and have a positive attitude. Here are some pointers that will help you impress your partner the next time you go on a date…

1. Be Positive
Don’t go on a date thinking that it’s surely not going to click. Instead, have a positive attitude and be prepared because you never know, what’s going to happen when the two of you sit to talk. If it doesn’t work out, may be there’s someone much better in store for you. Just forget and move on.

2. Stay Fit, Eat Healthy
Exercise is the best way to beat stress. Staying in good shape will make you feel better about yourself and keep your mind off unpleasant incidents. Remember, the more fit you are, the more confident you’ll feel about yourself. It is also important to eat healthy to have a positive attitude towards life.

3. Be Happy 
Everyone wants a partner who’s fun, loving and entertaining. So, if you have a good sense of humor, nothing like it. This is one quality every guy/girl looks for in their partner, simply because they think when things go wrong you can find at least one thing to laugh at and bring a smile on your their face. So use your sense of humor to your benefit.

4. Choose the Right Topics
If you get too personal on your first date, nobody is ever going to like you! It’s best to talk only about family, friends, likes, dislikes and your career on your first date. Keep it simple and don’t ever do the mistake of asking your partner how many boys or girls he has dated.

5. Dress Well
Believe it or not, but this really matters. You need to know what to wear for a date and not go dressed in a party outfit. Wear something casual and women, please avoid showing too much skin or putting on too much make-up. You need to know how you can better present yourself to increase your chances of impressing your prospective partner. So, dress-well and think of how you will behave there to make your first date a success.

5 Things Men Hate About Women

Deep down they may love us, but there are times when they find women really annoying. Ask any man and they’re sure to mention these 5 habits that they hate about women. So, run through these points women and make sure you avoid these 5 big mistakes…

Jealousy
This is natural and mostly happens when women see their partner checking out other attractive women around them. If you too feel jealous about that, you’re absolutely normal. But, there’s a better way of letting your man know that you do not like him checking out other women. And, if he has more of girl friends in his circle, you need to be more understanding and you got to trust him. So, the jealousy we’re talking about is the type that seems to intrude on the inner space you two share. If you constantly bring up feelings of jealousy, it can often lead to a fight between the two of you and can ruin your relationship. In stead, deal with it in another way, because remember, he hates it when you distrust him.

Nagging
Women love passing on difficult tasks to their partner and if he’s still seen sitting on the couch watching TV, he’s gone. Women expect men to move it the minute they’re asked to do something. It doesn’t work that way ladies! You’ve done your job of asking your partner to do something, so leave it to him. He knows he’s supposed to do it and he will do it when he’s free. The way women shout shows that he’s undeserving. There’s nothing worse to a man than a woman who won’t get off his case. Don’t be that woman.

Be Yourself
A lot of women show that they’re very understanding, loving and caring and that is only when they’re new in a relationship but as time passes, men get to see the other side of them. We mean, in the beginning, you try to be someone else and later you be yourself. Men don’t like it when women put on a show or pretend to be something they’re not. So, be who you are.

Jumping to conclusions
Women love jumping to conclusions to prove themselves right, isn’t it? But it tends to bug men when we falsely assume something that ends up leading to an argument. Play it safe women and have an open mind. This will save both of you from a headache.

Spying Him 
Men are more comfortable in a relationship when they get some space, as they want to be free. Most women love keeping an eye on every move that they make but this is like making him feel that he’s in a cage. If you’ve ever tried to keep tabs on where your guy is, he hated it whether or not he told you, trust us! So, instead trust him and he’ll never let you down. Of course, if your partner has betrayed you in the past, you have all the right to keep an eye on him. But, there’s no harm in giving him a second chance.

5 Qualities to Look For in Your Life Partner

Marriage is a life-long commitment, so it is important that you find someone who’s just perfect for you. There is a common belief that marriages are made in heaven, but when it comes to selecting a life-partner it can’t be left to destiny or luck, right? You need to make an effort to know the person better and have shared interests. Here are some qualities you should look for in your prospective partner…

1. Maturity 
This is one important quality you need to look for in your partner. S/he should be mentally prepared to take on responsibilities of a family and should be capable of taking independent decisions at the time of crisis. Physical, emotional and intellectual maturity can be termed as ingredients that will lead to the stability of a relationship in the future. So, find out how matured and mentally prepared s/he really is before getting hitched.

2. Good Family Background 
This is of utmost importance and can’t be ignored, as marriage is not just the coming together of two individuals but two families. Religion, culture, traditions and values play an important role when it comes to marriage and living under the same roof. A rift can occur and scar the relationship forever if even one of the two families is too orthodox or too broad-minded. Lifestyle, food habits, religious sentiments, etc are few important factors to be considered.

3. Financial Stability 
Your partner should have a stable income. What if one of you lose your job, due to some reason after marriage? So, it’s important that both of you are equally stable. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable discussing money matters ahead of time. For instance, you could talk about your spending habits and find out where you both feel your money should go, etc. This can prevent disagreements later. Also, discuss how you and your partner feel about buying, saving, and sharing bank accounts (if needed).

4. Sense of Humour 
Having a partner with good sense of humour will ease out your worries in difficult times. This gives one the courage to take things light-heartedly and adds zeal to a marriage. Believe it or not, but when the going gets tough, good sense of humour can take you smoothly even through rough situations. Life is so much fun when your partner has a good sense of humour and knows how to be there for you to put a smile on your face.

5. Emotional Compatibility and much more…
Be it, good personal hygiene, adjusting nature, physical and emotional compatibility, etc these are all important factors that determine the success of a marriage. Mutual trust and respect helps you share things openly, as a couple. Also, ease of communication leads to a long-lasting relationship, which in turn helps you to resolve the issues in a mature manner.

Now you know, what to look for in an ‘ideal’ partner and a happy married-life ahead.

Study: Creative People More Likely to Cheat

According to a recent research, chances of cheating is more in creative people than in the non-creative lot. This is possibly because of the talent possessed by the original thinkers, which increases their ability to rationalize their actions.”Greater creativity helps individuals solve difficult tasks across many domains, but creative sparks may lead individuals to take unethical routes when searching for solutions to problems and tasks,” said lead researcher Francesca Gino, PhD, of Harvard University.

Gino and her co-author, Dan Ariely, PhD, of Duke University, conducted a series of five experiments to test their thesis that more creative people would cheat under circumstances where they could justify their bad behaviour. The researchers used a series of recognized psychological tests and measures to gauge research subjects’ creativity.

They also tested participants’ intelligence. In each of the five experiments, participants received a small sum for showing up. Then, they were presented with tasks or tests where they could be paid more if they cheated. The experimenters also told participants they would be paid more for more correct answers and led them to believe that they could cheat without detection when transferring their answers. However, all the papers had unique identifiers.

The results showed the more creative participants were significantly more likely to cheat, and that there was no link between intelligence and dishonesty. For instance, more intelligent but less creative people were not more inclined toward dishonesty. The study has been published online in APA’s Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Study: Men Suffer More When a Relationship Ends

On the outside they might put on a brave face, hit the pub and talk even more about football. But a study has found that, contrary to popular belief, when a relationship is in trouble it is men who suffer the most. Romantic ups and downs apparently have a greater effect on the mental health of young men than women. While women are more likely to display their depression to friends, men are more likely to store up their feelings – with negative health effects including making them more likely to drink alcohol. Professor Robin Simon, who led the study, admitted she was shocked that the results overturned the widespread assumption that women are more vulnerable to the emotional rollercoaster of relationships.

‘Surprisingly, we found young men are more reactive to the quality of ongoing relationships,’ she said. That means a man’s mental health is more affected by the harmful stress of a rocky relationship. The researchers also found that men get greater emotional benefits from the positive aspects of an ongoing romance. This contradicts the stereotypical image of stoic men who are unaffected by what happens in their relationships. Professor Simon, of Wake Forest University in the U.S., said the findings could be down to the fact that young men often have few people in whom they confide – apart from their romantic partner. Whereas women are more likely to have close relationships with family and friends.

Strain in a relationship could also be linked to poor emotional well-being because it threatens young men’s sense of identity and feelings of self-worth. Another factor was that men and women express emotional distress in different ways. ‘Women express emotional distress with depression, while men express emotional distress with substance problems,’ Professor Simon said. The study, in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, was based on a survey of 1,000 unmarried 18- to 23-year-olds in Florida. It was part of a long-term probe into mental health and the transition to adulthood. The researchers also found that while young men are more affected by the quality of a current relationship, young women are more emotionally affected by whether or not they are in a relationship.

5 Rules To Follow On Shaadikeladdu.com

If you are looking for your life-partner on Shaadikeladdu.com or planning to register on the website, here’s some handy information to help you find the ‘right’ match…

Be Realistic
When it comes to getting to know your potential partner, nothing can beat email, instant messaging and social media. It’s the best platform, no doubt! But before you make any commitment and get into a relationship, make sure you verify your partner’s background. The best way to do is to spend some time together and get to know each other’s friends.

Don’t Just Rely on the Person’s Profile
It’s sometimes easy to fall in love with a person’s profile even without knowing much about him/her. So, watch out for ‘red flags’ if s/he has a Shaadikeladdu.com profile. If the opposite person refuses to share his/her number or is unavailable over the weekend, the person maybe inactive, on a hidden agenda or not ready to open up. So, do not trust people blindly. Take your own time and get to know each other better first.

Honesty is the Best Policy
We all tend to go for a little exaggeration when we want the other person to like us. But, it helps to be honest so that s/he is not disappointed when they actually meet you. Take some time to think and describe yourself on the profile page of the matrimonial website and do mention what kind of partner you’re looking for. Trust us, it doesn’t matter even if you aren’t very good-looking. Remember, there are people who prefer honesty over beauty. So, be honest and hope for the best.

A Rejection is Not the End of the World
You need to overcome the fear of rejection. People have different tastes, so you can’t expect everybody to like you. Some of them may find you too short/tall, thin/plump, etc, but don’t be disappointed. Move ahead, as every “No” is one step closer to a “Yes” and finding your soulmate. A lot of times, members who do not show interest or take time to respond are either inactive or have already found someone. So, be positive and move on.

Paid vs Unpaid Members
This usually is a good filter for serious people looking for love. Someone who is seriously looking for a partner is willing to become a paid member so that s/he finds  his/her life partner online. However, at times you may come across people who pay only to flirt. So, beware.

Rules For Setting Up a Matrimonial Profile

If you think you can add random details to your matrimonial profile and receive interests from members, forget it! You’ve registered on the website for a purpose. Think that it’s your online resume and spend sometime thinking about what to write. Remember, you need to highlight your attributes and set the tone of your personality. We list down 5 rules to keep in mind while constructing your masterpiece…

1. Choose the Right Community
Finding a partner online is helpful because you have the option of choosing the type of environment you want to explore. All you have to do is select the right community, fill in other details about you and the kind of partner you’re looking for and finally search for a match.

2. Be Honest
It’s easy to lie when you’re online. But, it’s better to be honest. In case, you find someone on the website and you plan your first date, s/he will know that you lied online, especially if you posted someone else’s picture. People need to get what they saw on your profile when they meet you in person. If you misrepresent yourself (like using a very old photo), you’ve lost the chance of being on a second date with the person. Also, do not hide red flags like a divorce or children. Potential matches will find out at some point anyway.

3. Post ‘Happy’ Pictures
Ever seen those pictures of people ‘Before’ and ‘After’ the weight loss plan? The person is always frowning in the ‘Before’ picture, where as in the ‘After’ picture, there’s a huge smile, which is supposed to help sell a product. Similarly, happy pictures have more chances of getting people to express interest in you. So, choose pictures that make you look nice, fun and outgoing.

4. Focus on Your Uniqueness
This allows you to find people who are compatible with you. Focus on the interesting and uncommon things about you that you would want your prospective spouse to know (but avoid writing about your childhood hobbies like stamp collecting or making book marks, etc) You could talk about your love for food or your love for an indie band or a weird artist. Those are the types of things that will help you find your Mr. or Mrs. Right.

5. Be Funny 
We know it’s a matrimonial profile, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be humorous. A witty profile is tough for people to resist, so if you’re witty show it in your profile — but don’t force the jokes please!

Study: A Man’s Behavior Improves After Marriage

Apparently getting married helps in improving a man’s behaviour, according to researchers. They found traits associated with anti-social personality disorders such as criminal behaviour, lying, aggression and a lack of remorse after men tied the knot. However, the researchers at Michigan State University also found that ‘nicer’ men were more likely to get married than those with anti-social traits. Dr. Alexandra Burt, who led the study, said: ‘Married men are just not as anti-social to begin with. And when they get married, they get even less anti-social.’ In the study, presented in the December Archives of General Psychiatry, Dr. Burt and her colleagues followed 289 pairs of male twins for 12 years, from age 17 to age 29.

More than half of the twins were identical. Men who married during the study period, about 60 per cent of them, showed less anti-social behaviour at ages 17 and 20, suggesting that men with more of these traits are less likely to get married in the first place. By the age of 29, unmarried men had scored an average of 1.3 anti-social behaviours on a scale devised by the researchers, compared with 0.8 among married men. However, among identical twins in which one was married and one wasn’t, the married twin had fewer anti-social behaviours after the union than the unmarried twin. Given that identical twins, with similar genetics and childhood environments are likely to have the same anti-social tendencies, this indicates that marriage helped weed out bad behaviour.

It’s not clear why men’s behaviour might improve after marriage, said Ryan King at the University of Albany, State University of New York, who was not involved in the study. Married men may spend more time with their spouse than their friends, and bad behaviour such as delinquency and binge drinking tend to be group activities, he noted. In addition, married men ‘have more to lose’ if they’re caught doing illegal activities, and may care what their spouse think. ‘Not everyone is equally likely to enter the institution of marriage, but those that do enter into it get some benefit from it,’ King said.

The results help explain consistent findings from other studies that men who are married commit fewer crimes. A recent study, for example, showed marriage was associated with a 35 per cent reduction in crime. Studies have also found that married people as a group tend to be healthier than singles, though recent research suggests the health advantage of marriage may be fading. But married people tend to live longer, be less depressed and suffer less from heart disease and stroke.

Oven Baked Fish & Chips

Tested / Low - Fat 

Serves                      : 4 person 

Preparation Time     : 15 min

Cook Time                : 40 min

Ingredients 

• 880 g/ 1lb 12 oz floury potato, scrubbed and cut into chips.
• 2 tbsp olive oil.
• 50 g fresh bread crumbs.
• Zest 1 lemon 
• 2 tbsp chopped flat leaf parsley.
• 4 x 140 g / 5 oz  thick sustainable white fish fillets 
• 200 g / 7 oz Cherry Tomato

Method 

1. Heat Oven to 220 C/200C fan/gas 7. Pat chips dry on kitchen paper, then lay in a single layer on a large baking tray. Drizzle with half the olive oil and season with salt. Cook for 40 mins, turning after 20 mins, so they cook evenly.
2. Mix the breadcrumbs with the lemon zest and parsley, then season well. Top the cod evenly with the breadcrumb mixture, then drizzle .0with the remaining oil. Put in a roasting tin with the cherry tomatoes, then bake in the oven for the final 10 mins of the chips' cooking time.

Healthy Benefits

We've halved the fat and calories of this traditional favourite by cooking it in the oven instead of frying. Although potatoes don't count towards your 5-a-day, they're a useful source of vitamin C as well as B6, potassium and manganese.

Nutrition Per Serving:

366 kcalories, protein 32g, carbohydrate 43g, fat 7 g, saturated fat 1g, fibre 4g, sugar 3g, salt 0.5 g 

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Marriage Is Good For Your Health ..

A new study discusses the health-related benefits that appear to be conveyed by being in a good relationship. Of interest is the discovery that the advantages of marriage are different for men and women.

In men, marriage appears to be linked to improved survival rates with the more satisfying the marriage, the higher the rate of survival.

As an example, University of Rochester researchers discovered happily married men who undergo coronary bypass surgery are more than three times as likely to be alive 15 years later as their unmarried counterparts.

The quality of the relationship is even more important in women. An unhappy marriage does not provide a survival bonus yet satisfying relationships increase a woman’s survival rate almost fourfold, the study found.

The study may be found in the journal Health Psychology, a publication of the American Psychological Association.

“There is something in a good relationship that helps people stay on track” says Kathleen King, professor emerita from the School of Nursing at the University of Rochester and lead author on the paper.

Researchers believe the effect of marital satisfaction is on the same level as traditional risk factors.

Harry Reis, a coauthor and professor of psychology comments that the effects of marital satisfaction is “every bit as important to survival after bypass surgery as more traditional risk factors like tobacco use, obesity, and high blood pressure.”

“Wives need to feel satisfied in their relationships to reap a health dividend,” explains Reis.

“But the payoff for marital bliss is even greater for women than for men.”

The findings by the Rochester researchers contrast with some studies that have not found a marriage benefit for women. Reis believe the difference is looking at the level of satisfaction of the marriage, rather than simply being married.

In the study, researchers tracked 225 people who had bypass surgery between 1987 and 1990. They asked married participants to rate their relationship satisfaction one year after surgery.

The study adjusted for age, sex, education, depressed mood, tobacco use, and other factors known to affect survival rates for cardiovascular disease. Fifteen years after surgery, 83 percent of happily wedded wives were still alive, versus 28 percent of women in unhappy marriages and 27 percent of unmarried women.

The survival rate for contented husbands was also 83 percent, but even the not-so-happily married fared well. Men in less-than-satisfying unions enjoyed a survival rate of 60 percent, significantly better than the 36 percent rate for unmarried men.

“Coronary bypass surgery was once seen as a miracle cure for heart disease,” says King.

“But now we know that for most patients, grafts are a temporary patch, even more susceptible to clogging and disease than native arteries. So, it’s important to look at the conditions that allow some patients to beat the odds.”

King believes aggressive medical care in the form of bypass surgery rarely leads to life-changing behavior. “The data show that many people go back to the lifestyle that they had before,” she says.

Researchers say the study demonstrates the importance of ongoing relationships for both men and women.

Supportive spouses most likely help by encouraging healthy behavior, like increased exercise or smoking cessation, which are critical to long-term survival from heart disease. King also suggests that a nurturing marriage provides patients with sustained motivation to care for oneself and a powerful reason to “stick around so they can stay in the relationship that they like.”

These are qualities of the relationship that likely existed before bypass surgery, and continued afterward, says King.

The study has some physiological basis as earlier research discovered people with lower hostility in their marriages have less of the kind of inflammation that is linked to heart disease.

Researchers believe this association may help explain why people in this study benefited from satisfying marriages.

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Too Damaged to Love Again?

Tips & Text Share By Some Therapist - Stories of trauma and pain are part of my normal day as a therapist. I hear about hurt that starts in early childhood for some and continuing throughout life for others. Have you ever wondered how early childhood pain or trauma affect ones capacity to love? And to those who have been seriously hurt, is it possible to be so damaged emotionally that you actually can't love again?

Keys to Relationship Connection

At the very core of connection is ones ability to empathize. Good marriages and healthy families are all about connection. The inability to empathize with others also results in a lack of an integrated sense of self. If a person is missing a solid sense of who they are they tend not to develop a real sense of self-awareness and may feel they are either all bad or all good. Many things can disrupt this bonding process. A mother who is depressed or emotionally not available herself raises a child that doesn't learn to connect very well emotionally (just like their mom).

If an infant or child is exposed to high levels of fear and stress, like many abused or neglected children, than this can possibly predispose a child to a latter need for recreational drugs or produce an aggressive or self-destructive child. The skills necessary for achieving an intimate relationship are both the ability to be self-aware enough to be in touch with your own feelings and than be able to relate to the feelings and experiences of the intimate partner. Lacking these skills leaves one with a diminished ability to both give love and receive it.

Microwave Love Misses Out on Real Intimacy

We live in a fast-paced culture and the result is we want everything to come as a quick delivery. Love takes time to develop; it is not a process that can be accelerated. Loving someone deeply requires taking the time to truly know them. It takes honesty, it requires some risks and it takes a tremendous amount of trust. Yet many people think they can just fast forward the process like some steamy scene in a romance movie and begin a real relationship with sex instead of communication. It is doomed to fail because microwave love misses out on real intimacy. Like Frank Sinatra advises in his classic song lyric, “Let's take it nice and easy,” and that lovers need to slow down and “take all the steps along the way”.

Could it be that we hurry through love, rush relationships, speed up sex, and race through life in general because we are all too wounded to be willing to take the risk of loving someone deeply? Or could it be that our culture has just lost the ability to love because we have become too narcissistic and self-centered? Hurrying through life keeps us so busy that it steals the important solitude that we need to be healthy and whole, both psychologically and spiritually. In other words it keeps us from fully feeling our emotions of loneliness and emptiness. Maybe that's why some people stay so busy and never take a minute to slow down, because if they did it would mean getting honest about what's missing in their life and that would be too painful, so it's off to another busy activity to avoid getting real.

Giving Up on Love Before It's Over

The other day I was talking to a man who has gone through a series of unsuccessful relationships and he actually used the word “DONE” when he was describing how he felt just before ending a relationship. Just simply “I was done” like when you are done with something and you throw it away because it is no longer useful to you. It just struck me as strangely sad that he was referring to a woman that had loved him. She loved and he wasn't able to feel it anymore. Just another sad ending that is common when someone gives up on love before the relationship is over, and when that happens usually both people are going to get hurt in the process.

As a therapist who specializes in relationships; I frequently witness how diminished people’s capacity to love is these days. Everyone claims they want someone to love, yet so many mindlessly walk away from love. They just move on to the next relationship or what appears sometimes to just be another “victim” of failed love. What are they looking for I wonder? Why can’t they see the value of the person they are with or the relationship they are in? Why aren’t they willing to stick around and make the effort to create something beautiful and lasting? What happened to “real” love and “real” commitment?

Losing Your Heart - One Broken Relationship at a Time

I watch so many people take their spouses for granted and under-value a relationship that should be meaningful. For many this is a warning sign of a failing relationship, which I realize means they are losing another piece of their heart. Sadly many people don't know that with every breakup they lose a part of their heart, but they don’t slow down enough to actually feel or grieve the loss of their own intimate connections.

How many pieces of your heart can you lose and still retain the ability to deeply and fully love? The answer is not as much as you think because the more break ups, the more scars and the more scars, the harder it is to open up next time. How ironic, our culture is always drawn to watch great love stories but are we are often too cowardly to write ourselves into the script. How about you? Do you have the courage to open your heart and really love, or are you too damaged, wounded or narcissistic to love again? You get to choose the level of intimacy in your relationships. I hope you choose love.

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